GRIEVING - NP STUDENT STORY

Shirley sat down in the waiting room after signing her name on the sign in sheet at the front counter. She just turned 60-years-old two months ago. Shirley had not talked to anybody in the medical office because they were busy behind the sliding glass window talking about who knows what. She knew the girls would soon call her if they needed any extra information or another copy of her insurance cards. Shirley was there for her 9:00 a.m. appointment. It was 8:45 am. There would be a little wait.

While sitting in the chair in the waiting room she noticed some of the other patients reading magazines or talking among themselves. She was there by herself. Shirley had no interest in reading a magazine. She felt herself tremble as she looked around the waiting room. Her hands gripped each other until her finger tips turned white. She stopped herself when she noticed what she was doing. A tear came to her eye. She told herself she would not cry anymore. Shirley looked at the clock on the far wall. It was almost 9:00 a.m. She hoped she would get in on time because she had to watch her four grandchildren for her daughter. This was her usual daily routine which she enjoyed. It kept her mind off of things. She had been told by her daughters and friends she should be feeling better by now. It had been a little over five months. Why was she not feeling better? Maybe there was something wrong with her. She will talk to her nurse practitioner about it when she saw her during her appointment.

The medical assistant called Shirley’s name at 9:05 a.m. Shirley was starring at the wall and did not hear her the first or second time. She was thinking about how much she missed her husband. How could she miss him like she did? It was five months ago she found him dead lying next to her in bed. That was a morning she would never forget. It was the worst moment of her life. He was only 62-years-old. He had some medical problems but nothing that would warn anybody of dying as suddenly as he did. Shirley could still see his face when she woke up that dreadful morning. His face was blue in color. He was starring towards the wall. He looked lifeless. She remembered calling 911. When talking to the dispatcher she could barely remember her home address or her name. She was shaking so bad she almost dropped the receiver. The dispatcher was having a difficult time understanding Shirley because she was crying and trembling so bad. When the dispatcher told her help was on the way she dropped the receiver to the floor. Shirley looked at her beloved husband and said good-bye.  

Shirley remembered when the paramedics responded to her home and told her he had been down too long and nothing could be done for him. Her tears let go as she grieved the loss of her one and only husband of 40 years. The paramedics tried to comfort her as she cried in one of their shoulders. They asked her if they could call anybody for her. Her one daughter lived only five minutes away. At the time she could not remember the phone number she dialed almost every day of the week. She had to get it from her address book in her bedroom. The coroner was called by the police officer who responded to the house. She remembered her husband being taken out on a stretcher in a black plastic bag to the coroner’s wagon.

The medical assistant called Shirley’s name for the fourth time. Shirley heard it, stood up and held her hand up. The medical assistant saw Shirley and waited for her by the office door. Shirley slowly got up from the chair in the waiting room and walked towards the medical assistant. She still felt like her legs were trembling and shaky. Shirley told herself she would not cry. Not today. Afterall, it had been five months. But her nurse practitioner wanted to see her to make sure she was doing alright. She understood why. Everybody was still worried about her because they thought she should be doing better. What did that mean exactly? She remembered her husband everytime she woke up and every time she went to bed. When looking around her home and through their personal things she remembered her husband. She wondered why she was not feeling better. There had to be something else wrong with her.

Shirley got weighed just inside the front door and was led to an examination room in the back hallway. The medical assistant told her the nurse practitioner would be in as soon as possible to see her. Shirley sat down on the bench in the back of the room and starred towards the door. She once again grasped both of her hands until her fingertips turned white until she realized what she was doing. Quickly she stopped herself. Shirley looked around the room and saw medical equipment to look in ears and eyes. There were tongue blades in a glass container on the counter top next to the sink. She saw magazines but had no desire to read them. She sat there for another 10 minutes before somebody entered the room.

J.R. the nurse practitioner student who was following the nurse practitioner came into the room at 9:25 a.m. She introduced herself to Shirley and shook her hand. Shirley was sitting on the bench in the back of the room and J.R. sat on the rolling stool a few feet away. J.R. asked how Shirley was doing. Immediately afterwards Shirley began to cry. J.R. handed her the box of Kleenex and rolled the stool closer where she could touch Shirley and comfort her. “Tell me what is wrong,” asked J.R. Shirley proceeded to tell J.R. about loosing her husband suddenly in his sleep five months ago. She cried. She also apologized for crying. "I'm sorry," she said. Shirley told J.R. how everybody was telling her she should be feeling better by now but she was not. J.R. touched Shirley’s hand and told her she lost somebody very close to her not too long ago. This was part of the grieving process she will have to endure for an amount of time nobody can predict. There was no definite line of when the grieving process will end. Everybody was an individual and handled grief differently. It may take months, years, or may last forever. J.R. told Shirley they were there to help her through this. J.R. asked Shirley if she had contacted any support groups or counselors. She told her yes but they did not have meetings when she could go. J.R. thought to herself for a while and knew there was something else she could do for Shirley. She did a quick examination on Shirley and told her she would be back in a little while. Shirley had stopped crying but her face was noticeably red and swollen. Shirley once again took her position on the bench in the back of the room while J.R. went out to the desk to find other options for her. Shirley needed help.

J.R. contacted the local hospice and asked if they had bereavement counseling for anybody who had lost a loved one. She found out they had many options and asked the hospice representative to fax her information to give to Shirley. J.R. waited patiently by the fax machine for the information to come across. This took only a few minutes. J.R. knew those who worked in hospice were a God send.

J.R. returned to the room where Shirley was waiting. She sat down on the rolling stool next to her and gave her the information and phone number to contact for support. J.R. proceeded to tell Shirley many who loose their loved ones feel they were alone and were having feelings they felt nobody else shared. She told her there were many who were feeling the same way she did and it helped to talk about her loss to others to help with the grieving process. Shirley still had tears in her eyes and took the paperwork. J.R. put her hand on Shirley’s right shoulder as she got up to leave the office.

J.R. hoped Shirley would call the hospice number when she got home. She needed to know there were those who do care and wanted to help. It was important for her to know she was not alone and she was not feeling anything abnormal or unusual. She was a human being who was grieving the loss of her husband of 40 years. This was a very normal emotion that did not have a time line. Shirley hopefully will find the support she needed to help her through the loss of her husband. This was important because statistically the spouse usually died within the first year after the death of their husband or wife after a long marriage.